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So I went running around today on my last day off and looked at houses for the hell of it. It's merely a pipe dream to think of actually owning a house that I can call home. Years ago, a marriage brought all kinds of hopeful possibilities, a house, a family, all that fairy tale crap that people think about. It didn't happen, no kids, no house, and certainly no fairy tale to speak of these days. So now, my work, my job, and the mailman delivering bills seems to define my life and who I am. My hobby is yet another definition of me, but it's not my life as I thought it once was either. The hobby is good, would be better if I wasn't all sicky-poo with Mono. Yeah, feeling a little frustrated these days when all I seem to do is screw things up and have nothing much to show for it. Although I love my job still, there are days that the things I love about it also drag me down. I hope it's merely the Mono giving me second thoughts, the job keeps me entirely too busy and does not allow for enough down time to relax and recover before starting all over the next day. At the same time, the job keeps me moving, busy, and spent by the end of the day and I like it for that too, just not while bouting with icky Mono. ARRG! Oh well, done ranting now..... No more ranting today, it's time for a nap.

T~

...So if I die today I'll be the happy phantom
And I'll go wearin' my naughties like a jewel...
I'm still an angel to a girl who hates to sin

House Cleaning Revisited

So I have this four day weekend ahead of me. A brief visit to the office to turn in paperwork, so the only thing I have to really think about doing for the next three days is cleaning and when I will take a nap. Nevermind the rest of the static and noise going on. I now choose to not continue dwelling on something that is decidedly out of my hands for the time being. Oh, I know, there's no claiming innocence in any of it..... Ummmmmm, yeah. No one is innocent. The cards will fall where they may and then it's up to everyone to either pick up those cards to play nice or get left with the Queen of Spades. Da' Bi-Atch Ain't Gonna Be Mine I Tell Yah! So I am off for a nap and I pray I can sleep off this impending head ache today.

T~


...So if I die today I'll be the happy phantom
And I'll go wearin' my naughties like a jewel...
I'm still an angel to a girl who hates to sin

One Of Those Days

The words "shoulda KNOWN better" comes to mind. I think I will leave it at that! Dating life has been quiet. Mainly due to lack of time to look around and the Mono rearing its ugly head up periodically enough that I choose not to be around people so I can get the much needed rest after work, which I think is a good source of the problem as to why I am not kicking this crap off of me like I should be able to. So, I say hi to the Java Guy today, turns out it's his girlfriend and I'm thinking oh "OH SHITE 'N' CRIKEY!" We're just friends, but now there's the added dilemma of her possibly getting very suspicious and cornering someone who might either squeal or get very upset with me for even daring to show my face on-line to say hi. Hell, haven't had time to get a cup of coffee let alone take clients out there for coffee. No time for it lately, work has been kicking my arse and I need a very much overdue break from work. Thus the four day weekend this week after being on call over the fourth and fighting a severe Mono relapse taboot. So I'm thinking, if she's suspicious enough to check the chat profile and nose around my homepage for clues, she might actually click on My Blog and read all of this. Then the cat's out of the bag. So I have this preemptive worried thought going through my head now. Woulda-coulda-shoulda. Will someone make an attempt to get physically confrontational or is someone gonna just get shut out? That someone being me. Again, shoulda KNOWN better" comes to mind. It's all a little too close for comfort and I really don't need to be playing with fire at all. PERIOD! So much for being just friends and moving beyond the initial ickiness. Now, I really don't know what the end result might be, yet I have a very vivid/morbid imagination for such worst case scenarios, and will likely just not show my face around the shop even if there is time to do that. In the meantime, resting and minor clean up around the apartment will be in order. Then maybe some sun bathing on the balcony and more resting. Rest is good. Need to rest and stop fretting about crap. My lord, this is nuts. Why is it that drama just seems to find me wherever I land? Oy-vey. Oh well, only time will tell.

T~ Possibly in trouble for nothing?

...So if I die today I'll be the happy phantom
And I'll go wearin' my naughties like a jewel...
I'm still an angel to a girl who hates to sin